I am Happy Here
I’ve never been happy in one place. I need change, I need something to always look forward to. Impatient by nature, I constantly move and switch the direction of my life. If I could make an outline of my road, it would have enough twists, dead ends, and circles to leave the reader lost. I like this about me. I once was ashamed of my itch for never-ending newness. Why couldn’t I settle in at one job, with one partner, in one place? Well, that’s just not me. It’s taken me a while to figure it out, but this is who I am…a chameleon, a vagabond, a spontaneous choice-changer.
The world has brought me a mate that actually wants to keep up with me. We met, fell in love, became engaged, married, pregnant–all within 4 dizzily magical months. When I first saw him, he radiated…I actually saw an aura that matched the sunshine as he stepped through the door, and into my heart. He loved me immediately. I felt his adoration and threw my life into his.
We left our friends and family to shake their heads alongside our locked eyes. We haven’t blinked. In the last 3 passionate years, we’ve never stopped looking at each other. Our eyes gaze, laugh, often glare, but never let go. We’ve followed our son’s first breaths, smiles, pitter patters and leaps. He’s transformed from the smallest and most beautiful newborn to a brilliantly singing, shouting, springing 2 year old.
In the last 5 months, we’ve fallen in love all over again with the most gorgeous girl. She is a petal. She is heaven on earth. Before I first touched her soft, warm skin, I couldn’t imagine loving something so dearly as I did my little boy. All that doubt instantly disappeared the moment she entered my arms and my life forever. My heart instantly doubled in size, as I took in her perfect face…peering up at me.
This is my family, my home. They’ve altered my makeup. We are a living cell together, we are one.
Still moving, still changing, still growing–all together. I’ve always placed my beliefs in the quote, “He who travels much, learns much.” I translate “travel” as “change” in my own path. Staying the same is death to me. I thrive on learning new languages, cultures, and ways to live this short and rapid life. Every day is a page in my novel. When I glance back to leaf through the chapters of our days, let there be no blank pages sifted in.
So we go. We travel. We pack our kids, our livelihood, and our dreams on our back and explore this green and giving earth.
Here I am in Costa Rica–here we are. We’ve traded the scene of snow dimpling a quiet creek to a sunrise freckled by colorful birds and fanned by outlines of palm trees. It is new, a fresh chapter. My chest swells as I take in the sweet morning air. I am happy here.
Kristi
“Emmie”,
This is absolutely beautiful! Through this post I have learned a lot about you that I never knew before! Your writing is so descriptive and honest. After reading this I am left feeling slightly jealous of your nomadic nature, yet comfortable with the fact that I don’t think I could ever be happy without putting down roots. In my journey through life I have come across a saying that I now try to live by- ” Nurture your nature.” And it seems that you are doing just that!! Thank you for opening your heart to us, and for me, confirming the idea that we have to be who we are in order to be truly happy:)
emily
Exactly, Kristi! I love that–”nurture your nature.” It really is so crucial to listen to–and act on–what we really want. Thank you for this lovely comment.
Mike
Emily,
Though our paths are not quite as geographically diverse as yours and Chris’, Debbie and I can very much relate to your expressed thoughts and emotions. Both of us have had a large degree of wanderlust, a yearning to find out just what IS over that next hill (or border, or fence, or job, or whatever . . .), not necessarily to find greener grass, but (philosophically speaking, of course), to see if there is any grass at all, and what kind of grass, and do the people there mow it or let it grow, and so on. We both count ourselves very blessed to have found someone with whom the journey has become an adventure, not a trial. And we have had our share of naysayers within the families as well, but with love as a foundation, we learned that even those who we were afraid we would alienate eventually came around, and our satisfying but somewhat unusual relationships with our extended/blended families are warm and open (like the family portraits! . . . Let’s see . . . Who belongs with who??). And remember . . when you are off to your next exciting destination, when people are shaking their heads from side-to-side, ours will be shaking too – nodding emphatically.
Love You!
emily
Thanks, “Poppy!” So, this is where Chris gets his thrill for adventure! I never considered your history in relation to our habits, but our relationships are very similar when you think about it. I think Debbie and I are a lot alike, actually. Love you both so much! I hope you try the grass down here for a little while. We’d absolutely love to have you.